This is a song I wrote listening to Lupe Fiasco's beat from his song "The Instrumental".
I was having a rough month and I finally cracked. Writing seems to be one of my forte's only when I feel like I can't take it anymore, although it's not all that great.

Give me feedback! I would have it recorded, but I don't want to 'bite' off his instrumental, plus I don't have a mic.

[V1]
Everybody talks about peace love and unity
But everybody's living in a world of 'me'
They just can't see
Cause people are too busy with their own
Life don't work out so their tempers thrown
When the heat falls like rain and the gun's been blown
No one understands, cause their mind's been sown
So no one's grow just by a mind of their own
Just let me know if you really understand me, "Holmes"

Taught about survival, hunger, and disease,
Everybody continues to live as they please,
The girls with their "racks" and the boys with their "grease",
Stereotypes seem to mold harder than cheese,
Honor and respect has been held at conditions,
Nothings sacred anymore, there's "multiple positions",
The followers await for the coming revelation,
Cause the corruption grows with the coming generations

[C]
He cries inside but shows no lies
Thinking that respect will carry his pride
She's hurt inside but doesn't know why
Going through struggles no one will realize

[V2]
Some erupt over small conflicts
Others hold it knowing the damage it causes
Hurting themselves even when they don't deserve it
Becoming unacknowledged time-bombs, spontaneous
Ask yourself, who wouldn't go insane,
When their brain is consumed with anger and pain,
And no one pulls the rope at the end of the tunnel
Trapping them from the only way out of this rubble?

Considered weak if you take your own life
How much can one take going through massive strife?
Everyday looking more gloomy than before
How would you feel if it was them that tore
The light of joy they visioned now crushed on the floor
Uncomparable to others when they don't understand
People always talk about purpose and plans
How would you feel if no one around you gave a damn?

I noticed on my older-blogs that I always seemed to write about topics only when I wasn't in the best of moods. Seems to be the case at this moment. I figured the title was appropriate for this entry, since most of what I'm about to say isn't all that optimistic. Actually, it's more ranting than anything.

I lost my job at 7-11 recently because I was incredibly hung-over and I called in sick because I wasn't able to make it. My boss explained that if I didn't have a doctor's note dated on the day I called in sick, he would terminate me from the job. There have been a couple time's I screwed up; showing up late to work, walking out and been given another chance, it's not surprising he'd react this way. To make things more clear, let's go back a day in time.

It was graduating weekend for graduates of the winter semester, and people were throwing a party for two seniors that were departing from VT. I went in 7-11 to buy some alcohol, and my boss calls me into the office asking me if I'm able to cover for someone because they weren't able to make it. I said it was possible, but not a guarentee because I was going to get smashed. He said that he'd put me on the schedule at 5pm so I could get some time to recover. Afterward, my friends and I went to the party and we sank into the environment. I had markings on my arms, tallying up how many shots I had taken. It wasn't just one kind of liquor that I was taking either (now mind you, I didn't know it was THAT bad to be mixing drinks... till the next day). Playing a few games a beer pong, having a beer here and there, hookah and ciggarettes, it was one hell of a night.

My friend took me to my old place so I could get some stuff before we went home, but I was so drunk and belligerent that I didn't know how much time had passed by when I walked into my old place, that by the time I came back out, I blacked out instantly. Supposedly I had gone to 7-11, where one of my roommates found me and brought me back home. Then I had grooved to the music, and danced pretty hard like I was really trying, and passed out. I don't remember any of this, but the way I abruptly woke up the next morning didn't surprise me. I dry-heaved/vomited for at least 8 hours since I first woke, and it made me regret ever drinking that much. I tried everything to settle my stomach (pepto-bismol, milk, more water) but all of that came right back out.

Now I left for NoVA on Christmas because I originally had a paid-vacation for a week form 7-11. When I got back and looked at my check, it was only made out for 8 hours (Christmas Day pay, something everyone got). It frustrated me because my boss told me he would put it in for sure before I left to go to NoVA, but when I got back and asked him what was wrong, he said that it probably hadn't been put in the system yet. I knew from his answer that he didn't put it in because he had a limit on hours he could give out to employees (so he could get a bonus check) and that he didn't want to lose his chance to get a bonus check for Christmas. So now I'm stuck with 40 dollars that I'm going to have to spend on food. As for bills and rent, I'm hoping my roommates will be understanding and give me some time to get them the money, or that some miracle happens and I get money from somewhere (highly unlikely... or not even going to happen). My phone's out of minutes and I can't add money to it (prepay), I can't ask my mom for help cause I can't call her or ask my brother to ask because they're arguing right now, I don't start working at my new job till this Friday (or later), so I'm having random moments of pessimistic attacks. I've been down here since the beginning of this year with no job, with no one to really talk to since everyone's still out on Winter Break, and no one to help me out when I really need the help (sometimes I wish you were still here bro..).

I'm hoping some miracle happens... but that's never really the case.